140117

back here to update blog post at night again.
I woke up extremely late today. 12.30pm? yeah.
I was too tired last night.
Guess why?
I was washing my eyes with tears again.
I thought night like this wouldn't come again, I thought night like this would just come and go.
It isn't true.
The fact that i'm not single will not change the fact that this type of night wouldn't exist.

it feels so much better than burying everything deep down in my heart.

if i did,
i'll slowly be devoured by the sadness and frustration will soon stop my heart from being nice.

you were never nice at listening.
you might loved me a lot, you might have the ability to create thousands of miracles
but are you thinking deeply that ,
your way of loving me will drown me someday?

I know you might questioned me ,
" didn't I show you my love a lot? "

my answer will be too complicated for you to understand.
my explanation will not be nice to you and your heart.

if you want to know what's the answer, here it is.

" you might think you love me a lot but there are many ways to love a girl. You just took the wrong way long time ago and you drive yourself in too deep. "

I detest the way you said you know me very well.
How exactly well do you know me?
Sorry.
Even I don't know myself well.

I detest the way you thought i am that way which i'm not.

I know you can't stand my attitude.
I don't like people teaching me what to do!
I hate people advising me what to do!

Let's recall (i know you hate recalling)

I was feeling like shit.
(i know,you would say i'm immature,stupid,dumb to feel sad for something that isn't happening to me)

SHINee was the reason
(am I consuming SHINee drugs too much till I can't take my eyes and soul off them? delusional girl)

You said I could voice out my sadness
(yayyy you're so kind and thoughtful)

You turned into a beast
you said something that I couldn't accept.
Your words were sharp,
it poked through my heart.

If you were a better listener,
I will feel delighted.

You lost your patience over my attitude over things.
You showed your impatience, you showed that you're feeling bored over my rants.
You said you know but how much do you know?

Most important is,

how can you understand me when you still wanna sit in your soul and understand me with your point of view?

how are you going to understand me as a hardcore fan when you always knew me as your girlfriend that adores you so much?

how are you going to understand me when I'm going through so many things in my fanatic world while you just lie down on your bed,waiting for my phone calls?

I'm sorry that you were always a good man for me but for some reasons, you were too good that I don't even know how to cherish nor appreciate it.

How frequent do I complain? how frequent do I tell things that were hiding beneath my heart?

I don't , I never, tell anything regarding my sadness,frustration,disappointment to anyone excluding you.

Right now, it truly clear that you weren't the right one for me to do those.

.................... last night was the worst night of 2014 (or maybe not)

how can you even keep yelling "hello" when I'm already crying at the other side of the phone call?
it's too cruel.
I couldn't even say a word with my tears flowing so heavily.
I had to grab hold of myself and reply you.

I know how much you hated how I deal problem with silence and by not replying your calls/messages.

maybe you don't understand how much you mean to me to make me cry a teardrop for you (but I cried a river of it last night)

I had to said " i love you" even though how much I hated the way you talked to me that night.

;

give me space,time,privacy.


tbh, i hate people checking on me.
give me privacy.
obviously, you want to check every inch and every thing I had,right?
yeeeeah.
I have double facebook acc,double twitter acc,double instag, double email,double blogs
would you want to know all my private acc that I have?

give me a break. I hate telling people my stuffs. I know that you know i'm mysterious and I prefer to have things to myself.

i don't like. I seriously don't like.

It's not that whatever you do is wrong
It's that you never tried to do something right or think how the outcome would be.

so stop saying that you knew me well 'cos you never did.

k
bye