another 28, 9 months to my birthday.
Well.. I'm here again.
supposed to do my homework but.. god,i'm exhausted and a little.. mental unstable today.
today is the day when koko started. IT WAS TIRING!!!!! Well.. it really wasn't that tiring until I attended a 3 hours tuition which made my mind felt a little floating.
I was doing well during physics tuition .. ( i was late 10 minutes) // until maths came and it was boring. not that the teacher is boring..but the topic is boring!!! when teacher was like throwing questions at me, I will looked back at him for a long time until he repeated the question.. and I got back to my senses. It was exhausting that I answered the whole worksheet far ahead from everyone.
Today wasn't in a good mood either. (biggest reason was last night and in school)
he didn't know I cried at the phone ,of course he didn't know. he is the one who thought he knew everything about me but the truth is, he knew nothing about me. Not because our relationship got into any problems, it's because of add maths.yeah it was frustrating. It wasn't the first time I cried because of add maths. The problem was I had my tuition from 6 to 10, I was so exhausted from add maths tuition and english too. I went home and I did add maths again. The stress eventually came into me when I don't even know how to do. My solution for this will always be him since he was an add maths prodigy. I know he got mad at me for not understand basics. Even if he says a million time that he wasn't mad at me, I will still believe that he really got mad at my stupidity in add maths. If you can't go slow,step by step and patience with me in add maths, if you can't seemed to understand why I would figured out that way, if you don't know why sometimes the bulb lights up slow for me, you should have just said "no" instead of raising your voice, losing patience, teaching me like i'm some sort of add maths genius who understand most of the thing. I wouldn't be mad if you said you don't understand my question instead of letting your impatience go wild all over me and giving me stress/pressure onto my heavy heart. I was so downhearted and everything was blue for me that night. I was so enthusiastic to learn add maths and you somehow turned off the switches. I've never felt so discouraged in my life before.. despite how much I detest add maths. You even made me got to a stage where I felt so stupid and dumb for myself that I feel like shoving my head into a pot of water and make myself drown there. After crying all over my add maths exercise book, I found energy back to do a few questions until I got fed up. I end up just copying the questions instead of answering it. I lost my motivation. I hate copying answers, and I ended up dying to copy people's answers. Everything, your tone,your words pierced to my heart, every of your word became ,"this is so easy and how come you don't even know it?" , "are you really this dumb?".
sorry but i'll never ever ask add maths question from you ever again.
================================================================
in school.
sometimes I wonder, if I am really your girlfriend in school?
You made me feel like i'm some sort of girl acquaintance to you.
it's so cold, too cold.
no.
you treated me too warm on phone.
THIS PROBLEM HAS BEEN HERE FOR YEARS AND WHEN IS THIS GOING TO END?
why are you so different in real life?
no, people didn't even realized i'm your girlfriend in school.
even I don't acknowledge myself as your girlfriend in school
...
i'm tired of this whole thing.
if you're not going to treat me as your girlfriend no matter where you are and whenever your are, i will not be hesitant to end this hopeless relationship.
how can you said "yes" and just saw me pass your book to another girl without doing anything
while i'm obviously not done referring yet ..
Is that girl more important than me?
no yes? yes. you made me feel that your answer is YES.
i thought, as girlfriend, i do own a special rights that is somehow unfair to other people.
.. you forced me into a corner that i have no choice but to squeeze a smile out and silently gives away your book to another girl.
how can you just said "bye" and without even looking at me?
my heart ache so much that I was in tears while walking home (no now i'm in tears also)
.......... you disappoint me too much.
can I just end this hopeless romance saga?
i know you're busy,you're with your friends,
you wanna keep your cool in front of your friends,
but to me, a cool boy means showing affection to your girlfriend no matter what situation you are in.
i know you are gluing your eyes to your phone.
i can't believe i spent 20 minutes walking around the school looking for you.
from school gate to canteen to basketball court,to the counselling room back to those hallways then until I met your friend and I asked him. oh,you're there.
I told you i was going to tuition,
yea i'd already expected a disheartening answer.
but i never expect such an.. expression for you.
you made me like a fool standing there telling you.
if it wasn't for you, I'D NOT LOOK AROUND THE SCHOOL FOR YOU AND JUST TO TELL YOU THAT 1 SENTENCE AND EXPECT A DISAPPOINTING ANSWER FROM YOU.
how can you just said bye without even meeting my eyes?
how can you not say "take care", "good luck" or perhaps that simple 3 words?
how can you just .. treat me like that?
do you even understand that the pats on your shoulders that I gave you?
yea you don't.
that's how I say " you did well to my heart" ..........
you not only made me looked like a fool in front of your friends but also made me a retarded to myself.
can you stop discouraging me and making me feel so hopeless?
i hate the fact that i'm trying to express so much in real life instead of phones and calls .. but you're doing it the opposite way.
do you even know how hard,difficult is it for me to even smile at the next morning without a sense of leftovers from last night?
No you don't. you don't know,thats why.
so,
when,
exactly,
can we end this hopeless relationship?
i'm tired.
i'm tired of loving you.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Sunday, January 19, 2014
當愛已成往事
now playing : SHINee - 當愛已成往事
Today's schedule is Festival tour in Beijing.
They sang that song again.... that lovely song :')
It was said that there wasn't much fans attended that festival..
well of course, spring festival is coming.. that's why.
but they are going to Hong Kong soon right?
it's even worst but there are many people searching for people who are selling their ticket.. So i'm supposed its okay.
Well... Taemin is smiling a lot today.
When he smiles, I will..smile with him too.
There's quite an amount of fancams of GDA releasing today. I saw few, yeah.
Taemin receiving bonsang. (i only watch taemin focused fancam hahaha sorry ot5)
I swear he was quite teary ..his eyes were watery and all the gestures and expressions he made.. I can't decipher but I believe, he was holding back his tears as a sang namja lol
Is it me or Taemin has been changing a lot lately?
He used to have those "its okay" and "i don't care" expression.
He smiles and laughs while everyone is crying their asses off.
He is always that .."happy go lucky" type and the mature type but somehow silly and ignorant.
but after 2013, after he received the best artist award, after wgm
he changed?
He became that type of guy who gets touched easily and often has that teary eyes.
I don't think anyone can help create teary eyes for him.
Well.. people changed as time passes by.
Perhaps he understands .. or he has been suffering too much.
Yeaaaah. After a long time of hard work and getting appreciation and recognition.. it's something really touching. So.. it's okay to cry. ( i cry too when i'm under pressure or.. you know, emotional)
=====================================================
I envy the bromance between Taemin and EXO's Kai.
They can have their own mini world behind everyone's back and hugging each other like .... gays.
The way Kai touches Taemin and his expression.. mygod. lol he looked like he was enjoying it very much.
Used to hate EXO , not hate, just dislike.
But I just couldn't. Taemin loves Kai so much , I can see it.
That day changed everything about my opinion and view towards EXO.
Last time, to me, EXO is just another rookie group with tons and tons of crazy fangirls and SM is trying to make use of their popularity to get even more money. Thus, eventually neglect SHINee. Since Dream Girl and coincidence, EXO having their best time of the year by releasing the song so called "Growl" , SM has been giving rubbish songs to SHINee. In result, giving EXO the best things and do so much media play and stick their babies into almost all the places they could stick, for example, dramas,tv shows. I got so fed up looking all the EXO things appearing everywhere....... and of course, during Sherlock era.. look at SM, feeding us all EXO's teasers. well it is not just 1 ,it is 10920493842 of them. You guys might say I'm just over biased but well.. I know EXO much earlier than most of you. Remember SM released their first teaser, that was Kai dancing with his tall hat on and there's a car there? Yeah, I watched that on the same minute the teaser release. Further on, SM kept releasing EXO's teasers........ and yeah, MAMA came and so on.. I was there. Most of you exist only when Wolf/Growl exist. I've gone through .. so much. hahaha. Used to think SM treats their idols unfairly and EXO was just a replacement for Super Junior ...
but everything changed since TaeKai friendship existed.
That day, SHINee got the daesang at MMA. Kai cried like a baby for them.
The moment when Taemin just threw his entire body weight to Kai that Kai got to stumble back and catch him. Taemin was crying,holding tightly to Kai. Then, he went to other EXO members and they all gave him a warm hug too. After everything, (since Kai is the mc,he's ought to be busy) Taemin slowly walked to where Kai is standing after so many people hugging him and patting him like baby boy (forever a baby boy in everyone's eyes) , there goes again. Kai saw him and pushed Taemin by his neck into him. Again, Taemin put his entire body weight to Kai that Kai got to grab hold of himself. Then, both of them stumbled few big steps back like giants, Taemin patting Kai's back like a kiddo.Finally, both of them were willing to let go of each other after quite some time and there was when Kai started to cry, like baby. Perhaps he was touched and too happy for their seniors to win? yes. yes he was. He started to cry and he hugged Taemin by his neck back again. This time, even tighter. Both of them were swaying left to right and finally, Kai released Taemin and stroked Taemin's hair >///< He's totally abandoning his job as a MC for Taemin. Kai kept wiping his tears and Taemin constantly looking at him and touching him. Taemin was already smiling widely seeing his best friend crying.. hahaha. Until they said the offensive "we are smtown" thingy, they all went around the stage..bowing to fans and etc.. there comes again. Taemin putting his arm around Kai. Definitely abandoning SHINee to meet his best friend, Kai. Kai,somehow did not abandon EXO..since EXO members are everywhere. (no sarcasm used)
I even saw a fancam.. when they were showing the nomination video of daesang .. Kai was praying and mumbling SHINee's name. He's a sweetheart. Really. Taemin is lucky and blessed to have a friend like him. I changed my view towards EXO because of Kai. Jongin ah, thank you for taking care of Taemin.. although he's older than you. hahaha. ;_;
Everyone changed my views. First of all, there were many shawols like me, who were fed up with all these exo things but .. people stated the logical reasons behind all these and the friendship between EXO and SHINee shared.. we,of course, wanted to create peace between two fandom but somehow.. when there's one day world peace couldn't achieve,there will always be high difficulty that peace will exist between kpop fandoms.
I saw many comments that day, I saw many news that day..
I came to a realization.
SM was the puppet and all of his idols were just workers that earns him money.
EXO wasn't expected to be so popular.
SHINee was supposed to have their year in 2013.
SM did a lousy marketing work if they wanted to make 2013 a SHINee year.
( this is a long story. I wont explain..maybe next time )
Until EXO became a big hit,
SM literally... gave some shit to SHINee.
It's like they got a new toy and dumping the old one.
well , SM, it was a mistake you make SHINee comeback with WSS or Everybody.
If I was to become the CEO of SM, If I want to make SHINee a big hit of 2013, I would .. only make them comeback with Dream Girl.
However,there's also a possibility you wanted SHINee to gain all kinds of fans with different taste of music.
But.. it was all too late.
SHINee was a big hit when Lucifer,Ring Ding Dong released.
You threw them in Japan when they were the hot topic.
It was a big mistake,SM. It was.
but you didn't make the same mistake for EXO.
that's an improvement.
but whatever.
please, please, please let SHINee shine this year. 1 comeback is enough. 1 is enough. Save your idol from tiredness and save us from wallet holes.
Thank God.
bless exo,SHINee and everyone ; peace.
Today's schedule is Festival tour in Beijing.
They sang that song again.... that lovely song :')
It was said that there wasn't much fans attended that festival..
well of course, spring festival is coming.. that's why.
but they are going to Hong Kong soon right?
it's even worst but there are many people searching for people who are selling their ticket.. So i'm supposed its okay.
Well... Taemin is smiling a lot today.
When he smiles, I will..smile with him too.
There's quite an amount of fancams of GDA releasing today. I saw few, yeah.
Taemin receiving bonsang. (i only watch taemin focused fancam hahaha sorry ot5)
I swear he was quite teary ..his eyes were watery and all the gestures and expressions he made.. I can't decipher but I believe, he was holding back his tears as a sang namja lol
Is it me or Taemin has been changing a lot lately?
He used to have those "its okay" and "i don't care" expression.
He smiles and laughs while everyone is crying their asses off.
He is always that .."happy go lucky" type and the mature type but somehow silly and ignorant.
but after 2013, after he received the best artist award, after wgm
he changed?
He became that type of guy who gets touched easily and often has that teary eyes.
I don't think anyone can help create teary eyes for him.
Well.. people changed as time passes by.
Perhaps he understands .. or he has been suffering too much.
Yeaaaah. After a long time of hard work and getting appreciation and recognition.. it's something really touching. So.. it's okay to cry. ( i cry too when i'm under pressure or.. you know, emotional)
=====================================================
I envy the bromance between Taemin and EXO's Kai.
They can have their own mini world behind everyone's back and hugging each other like .... gays.
The way Kai touches Taemin and his expression.. mygod. lol he looked like he was enjoying it very much.
Used to hate EXO , not hate, just dislike.
But I just couldn't. Taemin loves Kai so much , I can see it.
That day changed everything about my opinion and view towards EXO.
Last time, to me, EXO is just another rookie group with tons and tons of crazy fangirls and SM is trying to make use of their popularity to get even more money. Thus, eventually neglect SHINee. Since Dream Girl and coincidence, EXO having their best time of the year by releasing the song so called "Growl" , SM has been giving rubbish songs to SHINee. In result, giving EXO the best things and do so much media play and stick their babies into almost all the places they could stick, for example, dramas,tv shows. I got so fed up looking all the EXO things appearing everywhere....... and of course, during Sherlock era.. look at SM, feeding us all EXO's teasers. well it is not just 1 ,it is 10920493842 of them. You guys might say I'm just over biased but well.. I know EXO much earlier than most of you. Remember SM released their first teaser, that was Kai dancing with his tall hat on and there's a car there? Yeah, I watched that on the same minute the teaser release. Further on, SM kept releasing EXO's teasers........ and yeah, MAMA came and so on.. I was there. Most of you exist only when Wolf/Growl exist. I've gone through .. so much. hahaha. Used to think SM treats their idols unfairly and EXO was just a replacement for Super Junior ...
but everything changed since TaeKai friendship existed.
That day, SHINee got the daesang at MMA. Kai cried like a baby for them.
The moment when Taemin just threw his entire body weight to Kai that Kai got to stumble back and catch him. Taemin was crying,holding tightly to Kai. Then, he went to other EXO members and they all gave him a warm hug too. After everything, (since Kai is the mc,he's ought to be busy) Taemin slowly walked to where Kai is standing after so many people hugging him and patting him like baby boy (forever a baby boy in everyone's eyes) , there goes again. Kai saw him and pushed Taemin by his neck into him. Again, Taemin put his entire body weight to Kai that Kai got to grab hold of himself. Then, both of them stumbled few big steps back like giants, Taemin patting Kai's back like a kiddo.Finally, both of them were willing to let go of each other after quite some time and there was when Kai started to cry, like baby. Perhaps he was touched and too happy for their seniors to win? yes. yes he was. He started to cry and he hugged Taemin by his neck back again. This time, even tighter. Both of them were swaying left to right and finally, Kai released Taemin and stroked Taemin's hair >///< He's totally abandoning his job as a MC for Taemin. Kai kept wiping his tears and Taemin constantly looking at him and touching him. Taemin was already smiling widely seeing his best friend crying.. hahaha. Until they said the offensive "we are smtown" thingy, they all went around the stage..bowing to fans and etc.. there comes again. Taemin putting his arm around Kai. Definitely abandoning SHINee to meet his best friend, Kai. Kai,somehow did not abandon EXO..since EXO members are everywhere. (no sarcasm used)
I even saw a fancam.. when they were showing the nomination video of daesang .. Kai was praying and mumbling SHINee's name. He's a sweetheart. Really. Taemin is lucky and blessed to have a friend like him. I changed my view towards EXO because of Kai. Jongin ah, thank you for taking care of Taemin.. although he's older than you. hahaha. ;_;
Everyone changed my views. First of all, there were many shawols like me, who were fed up with all these exo things but .. people stated the logical reasons behind all these and the friendship between EXO and SHINee shared.. we,of course, wanted to create peace between two fandom but somehow.. when there's one day world peace couldn't achieve,there will always be high difficulty that peace will exist between kpop fandoms.
I saw many comments that day, I saw many news that day..
I came to a realization.
SM was the puppet and all of his idols were just workers that earns him money.
EXO wasn't expected to be so popular.
SHINee was supposed to have their year in 2013.
SM did a lousy marketing work if they wanted to make 2013 a SHINee year.
( this is a long story. I wont explain..maybe next time )
Until EXO became a big hit,
SM literally... gave some shit to SHINee.
It's like they got a new toy and dumping the old one.
well , SM, it was a mistake you make SHINee comeback with WSS or Everybody.
If I was to become the CEO of SM, If I want to make SHINee a big hit of 2013, I would .. only make them comeback with Dream Girl.
However,there's also a possibility you wanted SHINee to gain all kinds of fans with different taste of music.
But.. it was all too late.
SHINee was a big hit when Lucifer,Ring Ding Dong released.
You threw them in Japan when they were the hot topic.
It was a big mistake,SM. It was.
but you didn't make the same mistake for EXO.
that's an improvement.
but whatever.
please, please, please let SHINee shine this year. 1 comeback is enough. 1 is enough. Save your idol from tiredness and save us from wallet holes.
Thank God.
bless exo,SHINee and everyone ; peace.
Friday, January 17, 2014
140117
back here to update blog post at night again.
I woke up extremely late today. 12.30pm? yeah.
I was too tired last night.
Guess why?
I was washing my eyes with tears again.
I thought night like this wouldn't come again, I thought night like this would just come and go.
It isn't true.
The fact that i'm not single will not change the fact that this type of night wouldn't exist.
it feels so much better than burying everything deep down in my heart.
if i did,
i'll slowly be devoured by the sadness and frustration will soon stop my heart from being nice.
you were never nice at listening.
you might loved me a lot, you might have the ability to create thousands of miracles
but are you thinking deeply that ,
your way of loving me will drown me someday?
I know you might questioned me ,
" didn't I show you my love a lot? "
my answer will be too complicated for you to understand.
my explanation will not be nice to you and your heart.
if you want to know what's the answer, here it is.
" you might think you love me a lot but there are many ways to love a girl. You just took the wrong way long time ago and you drive yourself in too deep. "
I detest the way you said you know me very well.
How exactly well do you know me?
Sorry.
Even I don't know myself well.
I detest the way you thought i am that way which i'm not.
I know you can't stand my attitude.
I don't like people teaching me what to do!
I hate people advising me what to do!
Let's recall (i know you hate recalling)
I was feeling like shit.
(i know,you would say i'm immature,stupid,dumb to feel sad for something that isn't happening to me)
SHINee was the reason
(am I consuming SHINee drugs too much till I can't take my eyes and soul off them? delusional girl)
You said I could voice out my sadness
(yayyy you're so kind and thoughtful)
You turned into a beast
you said something that I couldn't accept.
Your words were sharp,
it poked through my heart.
If you were a better listener,
I will feel delighted.
You lost your patience over my attitude over things.
You showed your impatience, you showed that you're feeling bored over my rants.
You said you know but how much do you know?
Most important is,
how can you understand me when you still wanna sit in your soul and understand me with your point of view?
how are you going to understand me as a hardcore fan when you always knew me as your girlfriend that adores you so much?
how are you going to understand me when I'm going through so many things in my fanatic world while you just lie down on your bed,waiting for my phone calls?
I'm sorry that you were always a good man for me but for some reasons, you were too good that I don't even know how to cherish nor appreciate it.
How frequent do I complain? how frequent do I tell things that were hiding beneath my heart?
I don't , I never, tell anything regarding my sadness,frustration,disappointment to anyone excluding you.
Right now, it truly clear that you weren't the right one for me to do those.
.................... last night was the worst night of 2014 (or maybe not)
how can you even keep yelling "hello" when I'm already crying at the other side of the phone call?
it's too cruel.
I couldn't even say a word with my tears flowing so heavily.
I had to grab hold of myself and reply you.
I know how much you hated how I deal problem with silence and by not replying your calls/messages.
maybe you don't understand how much you mean to me to make me cry a teardrop for you (but I cried a river of it last night)
I had to said " i love you" even though how much I hated the way you talked to me that night.
;
give me space,time,privacy.
tbh, i hate people checking on me.
give me privacy.
obviously, you want to check every inch and every thing I had,right?
yeeeeah.
I have double facebook acc,double twitter acc,double instag, double email,double blogs
would you want to know all my private acc that I have?
give me a break. I hate telling people my stuffs. I know that you know i'm mysterious and I prefer to have things to myself.
i don't like. I seriously don't like.
It's not that whatever you do is wrong
It's that you never tried to do something right or think how the outcome would be.
so stop saying that you knew me well 'cos you never did.
k
bye
I woke up extremely late today. 12.30pm? yeah.
I was too tired last night.
Guess why?
I was washing my eyes with tears again.
I thought night like this wouldn't come again, I thought night like this would just come and go.
It isn't true.
The fact that i'm not single will not change the fact that this type of night wouldn't exist.
it feels so much better than burying everything deep down in my heart.
if i did,
i'll slowly be devoured by the sadness and frustration will soon stop my heart from being nice.
you were never nice at listening.
you might loved me a lot, you might have the ability to create thousands of miracles
but are you thinking deeply that ,
your way of loving me will drown me someday?
I know you might questioned me ,
" didn't I show you my love a lot? "
my answer will be too complicated for you to understand.
my explanation will not be nice to you and your heart.
if you want to know what's the answer, here it is.
" you might think you love me a lot but there are many ways to love a girl. You just took the wrong way long time ago and you drive yourself in too deep. "
I detest the way you said you know me very well.
How exactly well do you know me?
Sorry.
Even I don't know myself well.
I detest the way you thought i am that way which i'm not.
I know you can't stand my attitude.
I don't like people teaching me what to do!
I hate people advising me what to do!
Let's recall (i know you hate recalling)
I was feeling like shit.
(i know,you would say i'm immature,stupid,dumb to feel sad for something that isn't happening to me)
SHINee was the reason
(am I consuming SHINee drugs too much till I can't take my eyes and soul off them? delusional girl)
You said I could voice out my sadness
(yayyy you're so kind and thoughtful)
You turned into a beast
you said something that I couldn't accept.
Your words were sharp,
it poked through my heart.
If you were a better listener,
I will feel delighted.
You lost your patience over my attitude over things.
You showed your impatience, you showed that you're feeling bored over my rants.
You said you know but how much do you know?
Most important is,
how can you understand me when you still wanna sit in your soul and understand me with your point of view?
how are you going to understand me as a hardcore fan when you always knew me as your girlfriend that adores you so much?
how are you going to understand me when I'm going through so many things in my fanatic world while you just lie down on your bed,waiting for my phone calls?
I'm sorry that you were always a good man for me but for some reasons, you were too good that I don't even know how to cherish nor appreciate it.
How frequent do I complain? how frequent do I tell things that were hiding beneath my heart?
I don't , I never, tell anything regarding my sadness,frustration,disappointment to anyone excluding you.
Right now, it truly clear that you weren't the right one for me to do those.
.................... last night was the worst night of 2014 (or maybe not)
how can you even keep yelling "hello" when I'm already crying at the other side of the phone call?
it's too cruel.
I couldn't even say a word with my tears flowing so heavily.
I had to grab hold of myself and reply you.
I know how much you hated how I deal problem with silence and by not replying your calls/messages.
maybe you don't understand how much you mean to me to make me cry a teardrop for you (but I cried a river of it last night)
I had to said " i love you" even though how much I hated the way you talked to me that night.
;
give me space,time,privacy.
tbh, i hate people checking on me.
give me privacy.
obviously, you want to check every inch and every thing I had,right?
yeeeeah.
I have double facebook acc,double twitter acc,double instag, double email,double blogs
would you want to know all my private acc that I have?
give me a break. I hate telling people my stuffs. I know that you know i'm mysterious and I prefer to have things to myself.
i don't like. I seriously don't like.
It's not that whatever you do is wrong
It's that you never tried to do something right or think how the outcome would be.
so stop saying that you knew me well 'cos you never did.
k
bye
140116
Just came back from a place call tuition center.
I'm exhausted,tired and EVERYTHING negative is flowing inside my body right now.
What do you expect me to feel like after attending a tuition class that starts from 4pm to 10pm. Right now.. the time is fixed like this for my Form 5 life. //sigh
Everything was fine except I was really tired from not taking nap after a long day in school.
Having my dinner usually in every Thursday in maju le ahmad. Until the waiters know we would separate bills and sometimes,they remember what I would like to drink.
HA.HA. i'm a regular thursday customer there until I got fed up of eating almost the same food till there's 1 time, I ordered something weird and it turned out..to taste quite good hahaha.
Alright,back to the story.
I was eating.. while I scroll Twitter.
I was complaining the whole time about not being able to watch GDA to my friend.
She smiled at me and told me to watch repeat.
But watching live and watching repeat is two different things that will give you two different feelings.
For example, remember MMA 2013? The time when SHINee won daesang? I was crying so badly and the tears just couldn't stop .. that was when I was watching live stream but then, when I watch repeat, I would tear up but .. the feelings weren't that strong as compared to that time.
but what can I do?
I know my priorities as a student .... It's rational to pick tuition over kpop. Yeeeeeah.
Get back to GDA again. I was scrolling twitter.. I saw SHINee got their first award in GDA, which was the ceci bla bla bla award.. something about fashion icon award. yay congratz boys! Then.. SHINee got their inkisang too. I WAS SHOCKED TO SEE SNSD GOT THEIR INKISANG then a korean shawol told us in english (surprisingly fluent) to calm down .. they split the inkisang into two -_- and the award.. goes to two respective winners..
ISN'T THIS STUPID AND CRAZY?
you guys might not understand what is wrong with me getting so much fire on me.. and why am I complaining so much for things that had already happened ! Just because not talking about something that had become past,doesn't mean it doesn't matters to me. It still does!!!!! If I don't pour out every unsatisfactory in my heart, I'm not gonna feel any better.
You guys might not understand the situation for the inkisang. First, it was stated that 80% comes from voting and 20% for judges opinion for the inkisang (popularity award) SHINee got 1st place for voting while SNSD got 2nd. I don't know which bastard.. (shawols) CHEATED AND HACKED INTO THE VOTING SYSTEM. //sigh// we gave 0.08% to SNSD..but still,we are the winner. We are just concerned about the judge opinions..because we cheated. All this while, we thought there's only 1 inkisang, 1 winner. ITS FALSE. It turns out, there's digital inkisang and disk inkisang. Roy and SNSD got digital while SHINee and BEAST got disk inkisang. THIS IS PURE STUPID. Then what are we voting for all these while? Are we voting for fun? Those shawols who paid to vote.. what is the meaning of their votes now? It's like every effort from us are going down to the drain. GROUPS WHO DON'T EVEN HAVE HIGH VOTES FOR INKISANG GETS THE AWARD. what the hell is with this GDA? i'm quite mad though. I know they want to be fair to others.. SNSD and SHINee can share their inkisang..since we cheated. So.. i'm willing to pay the price of cheating. but BEAST and ROY? sorry to be rude but.. WHAT? Both of them.. they didn't even by past 10% if i'm not wrong..and they got an inkisang.. THIS MEANS IF WE DIDN'T GO THROUGH SO MUCH OF TROUBLE VOTING FOR SHINee, THEY WOULD HAVE WON TOO. I sincerely pity those fans who paid to vote!!!! ITS A WASTE ! I was starting to get frustrated. Inkisang was used to be quite a great award and now,it turns out like anyone could win this without their fan's effort. You see, popularity award is based on number of fans and your fanbase's strength. it's not based on talent or whatever bullshit but look at them.. it's unfair.
NEXT!!!!! They won a bonsang. Yeah I was happy. until they announced the daesang. I was constantly refreshing twitter in tuition and I immediately had the word "fuck" came out from my mouth. YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? MY EYES ARE BLURRED WITH TEARS. I COULDN'T CRY IN PUBLIC AND I NEVER LET MYSELF TO DO THAT. I CRIED NOT BECAUSE THEY WON ITS BECAUSE SOME OTHER GROUP WON. I will not bash, I swear I will not bash that other group..... THEY CAME FROM THE SAME COMPANY DOESN'T MEANS I MUST LIKE THEM .YOU GUYS ARE BULLSHITING. So,daesang went to that group. Yeahhhhh a million seller with their album , that starts with the alphabet g and ends with a L. I was so fucking pissed off. Where did SHINee's effort went?!?!?! Sometimes I think, their efforts.. didn't paid off! Luck wasn't on our side!!! they didn't get the recognition they wanted!!!!!! But golden disk award plainly relies on the album sales though. SHINee didn't have a single album that sold over million. but they released 4 KOREAN ALBUM IN A YEAR. IF YOU ADD UP 4 OF THEM ALTOGETHER,TELL THE OTHER GROUP TO STAND BY A SIDE PUHLEASE. ( i don't know if any of their stans would see this blogpost. so happen if you are one of their stans, please ignore this. you can make my blogpost famous. It's up to you but this is my blog,my opinion,my thoughts. You don't like,your choice.)
SM was the biggest problem!! They possibly wanted SHINee to get a daesang since they had been working SHINee out so much last year but their biggest failure was , they wanted a group to win but they are at the same time working on other group and that other group..wasn't expected to have such big success.
I'M SO PISSED OFF , SO ANGRY , URGH. I wasn't even concentrating on chemistry class!!!! UNTIL TEACHER SAID SOMETHING ABOUT EXO.. NOT THAT EXO, IT'S EXOTHERMIC. MY EYES GOT BIG AND MY MIND WAS CHANTING THE WORD "FUCK".
Overall my mood was ruined. How many inkisang and bonsang can SHINee continue to get? we can't possibly let them win the same award EVERY FUCKING YEAR,isn't it?
//chills the fuck out and breathes simultaneously//
Dear SHINee,
There's so many things I want to say to you but the 3 main sentences I wanted to say was , I'm sorry,thank you and I love you. Today, I wasn't able to share your happy moments during GDA. I was busy with studies but I was able to check for updates through twitter. I was happy, that you all won 3 awards today. You're the biggest winner for today. You all might be happy but for me, I was a little disappointed. I don't know if you guys were .. I think I put my hopes too high.. SHINee, I'm sorry. SHINee World didn't worked hard enough to get the daesang home for you and add some varieties to your award.trophy shelf. SHINee, thank you. Thank you for the effort and hard work in 2013 ! It was a miracle year for SHINee World. You entertained us throughout the year, giving us smiles,frowns and even tears. We been through so much together last year. It was unforgettable and memorable. SHINee, I love you. Loving you was a part of my life, a happy part of it. SHINee loves us, so we would love you back 10 times more. Although our distance is far but our hearts.. remain as near as though we can hear and feel each other's heartbeat beating at the same rate....
From, SHINeeWorld, sueann.
I'm exhausted,tired and EVERYTHING negative is flowing inside my body right now.
What do you expect me to feel like after attending a tuition class that starts from 4pm to 10pm. Right now.. the time is fixed like this for my Form 5 life. //sigh
Everything was fine except I was really tired from not taking nap after a long day in school.
Having my dinner usually in every Thursday in maju le ahmad. Until the waiters know we would separate bills and sometimes,they remember what I would like to drink.
HA.HA. i'm a regular thursday customer there until I got fed up of eating almost the same food till there's 1 time, I ordered something weird and it turned out..to taste quite good hahaha.
Alright,back to the story.
I was eating.. while I scroll Twitter.
I was complaining the whole time about not being able to watch GDA to my friend.
She smiled at me and told me to watch repeat.
But watching live and watching repeat is two different things that will give you two different feelings.
For example, remember MMA 2013? The time when SHINee won daesang? I was crying so badly and the tears just couldn't stop .. that was when I was watching live stream but then, when I watch repeat, I would tear up but .. the feelings weren't that strong as compared to that time.
but what can I do?
I know my priorities as a student .... It's rational to pick tuition over kpop. Yeeeeeah.
Get back to GDA again. I was scrolling twitter.. I saw SHINee got their first award in GDA, which was the ceci bla bla bla award.. something about fashion icon award. yay congratz boys! Then.. SHINee got their inkisang too. I WAS SHOCKED TO SEE SNSD GOT THEIR INKISANG then a korean shawol told us in english (surprisingly fluent) to calm down .. they split the inkisang into two -_- and the award.. goes to two respective winners..
ISN'T THIS STUPID AND CRAZY?
you guys might not understand what is wrong with me getting so much fire on me.. and why am I complaining so much for things that had already happened ! Just because not talking about something that had become past,doesn't mean it doesn't matters to me. It still does!!!!! If I don't pour out every unsatisfactory in my heart, I'm not gonna feel any better.
You guys might not understand the situation for the inkisang. First, it was stated that 80% comes from voting and 20% for judges opinion for the inkisang (popularity award) SHINee got 1st place for voting while SNSD got 2nd. I don't know which bastard.. (shawols) CHEATED AND HACKED INTO THE VOTING SYSTEM. //sigh// we gave 0.08% to SNSD..but still,we are the winner. We are just concerned about the judge opinions..because we cheated. All this while, we thought there's only 1 inkisang, 1 winner. ITS FALSE. It turns out, there's digital inkisang and disk inkisang. Roy and SNSD got digital while SHINee and BEAST got disk inkisang. THIS IS PURE STUPID. Then what are we voting for all these while? Are we voting for fun? Those shawols who paid to vote.. what is the meaning of their votes now? It's like every effort from us are going down to the drain. GROUPS WHO DON'T EVEN HAVE HIGH VOTES FOR INKISANG GETS THE AWARD. what the hell is with this GDA? i'm quite mad though. I know they want to be fair to others.. SNSD and SHINee can share their inkisang..since we cheated. So.. i'm willing to pay the price of cheating. but BEAST and ROY? sorry to be rude but.. WHAT? Both of them.. they didn't even by past 10% if i'm not wrong..and they got an inkisang.. THIS MEANS IF WE DIDN'T GO THROUGH SO MUCH OF TROUBLE VOTING FOR SHINee, THEY WOULD HAVE WON TOO. I sincerely pity those fans who paid to vote!!!! ITS A WASTE ! I was starting to get frustrated. Inkisang was used to be quite a great award and now,it turns out like anyone could win this without their fan's effort. You see, popularity award is based on number of fans and your fanbase's strength. it's not based on talent or whatever bullshit but look at them.. it's unfair.
NEXT!!!!! They won a bonsang. Yeah I was happy. until they announced the daesang. I was constantly refreshing twitter in tuition and I immediately had the word "fuck" came out from my mouth. YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? MY EYES ARE BLURRED WITH TEARS. I COULDN'T CRY IN PUBLIC AND I NEVER LET MYSELF TO DO THAT. I CRIED NOT BECAUSE THEY WON ITS BECAUSE SOME OTHER GROUP WON. I will not bash, I swear I will not bash that other group..... THEY CAME FROM THE SAME COMPANY DOESN'T MEANS I MUST LIKE THEM .YOU GUYS ARE BULLSHITING. So,daesang went to that group. Yeahhhhh a million seller with their album , that starts with the alphabet g and ends with a L. I was so fucking pissed off. Where did SHINee's effort went?!?!?! Sometimes I think, their efforts.. didn't paid off! Luck wasn't on our side!!! they didn't get the recognition they wanted!!!!!! But golden disk award plainly relies on the album sales though. SHINee didn't have a single album that sold over million. but they released 4 KOREAN ALBUM IN A YEAR. IF YOU ADD UP 4 OF THEM ALTOGETHER,TELL THE OTHER GROUP TO STAND BY A SIDE PUHLEASE. ( i don't know if any of their stans would see this blogpost. so happen if you are one of their stans, please ignore this. you can make my blogpost famous. It's up to you but this is my blog,my opinion,my thoughts. You don't like,your choice.)
SM was the biggest problem!! They possibly wanted SHINee to get a daesang since they had been working SHINee out so much last year but their biggest failure was , they wanted a group to win but they are at the same time working on other group and that other group..wasn't expected to have such big success.
I'M SO PISSED OFF , SO ANGRY , URGH. I wasn't even concentrating on chemistry class!!!! UNTIL TEACHER SAID SOMETHING ABOUT EXO.. NOT THAT EXO, IT'S EXOTHERMIC. MY EYES GOT BIG AND MY MIND WAS CHANTING THE WORD "FUCK".
Overall my mood was ruined. How many inkisang and bonsang can SHINee continue to get? we can't possibly let them win the same award EVERY FUCKING YEAR,isn't it?
//chills the fuck out and breathes simultaneously//
Dear SHINee,
There's so many things I want to say to you but the 3 main sentences I wanted to say was , I'm sorry,thank you and I love you. Today, I wasn't able to share your happy moments during GDA. I was busy with studies but I was able to check for updates through twitter. I was happy, that you all won 3 awards today. You're the biggest winner for today. You all might be happy but for me, I was a little disappointed. I don't know if you guys were .. I think I put my hopes too high.. SHINee, I'm sorry. SHINee World didn't worked hard enough to get the daesang home for you and add some varieties to your award.trophy shelf. SHINee, thank you. Thank you for the effort and hard work in 2013 ! It was a miracle year for SHINee World. You entertained us throughout the year, giving us smiles,frowns and even tears. We been through so much together last year. It was unforgettable and memorable. SHINee, I love you. Loving you was a part of my life, a happy part of it. SHINee loves us, so we would love you back 10 times more. Although our distance is far but our hearts.. remain as near as though we can hear and feel each other's heartbeat beating at the same rate....
From, SHINeeWorld, sueann.
Saturday, January 11, 2014
SHINee World.
HELLO TO THE WORLD.
I'm going to dedicate this post to my shining SHINee.
As 2014 comes,
my job as a SHINee World had stepped on its way to 4th year with them.
I don't even remember how it all started but I want to thank that 1 particular person that I forgotten who she/he was that brought me to SHINee.
I remember that time, Lucifer was a hit. That was how everything started.
I'm a little unique, different from others. Others might started to fancy Jonghyun for his looks but for me, the guy in red pants was hot. I didn't care about his feminine looks with his fake long extensions on his head. From Lucifer to Hello to Sherlock to Dream Girl to Why So Serious to Everybody. I was there to witness their growth despite how young I am that time. Not long, they became someone who is owned quite a large space in my mind and also heart. I am an extreme Taemin biased but that doesn't mean I don't love the other 4. I love them all 4 equally or maybe.. Onew a little more. (i'm not trying to be unfair here)
Because of them, I actually learned hangul characters quite quickly but being able to read those characters doesn't mean you understand what they are talking about. (sad)
I was one of those young fans who was there to see Jonghyun,Minho and Onew got hurt and unable to perform on stage. Therefore, I pray to God every day that SHINee will be healthy always.. I understand the feeling of not seeing 5 of them able to perform together. ESPECIALLY ONEW. For some reasons, I was quite frustrated that Onew hurt his neck during Everybody era. I wasn't blaming him.. I just felt..a little disappointed. Maybe because Everybody is a choreography that needs powerful group work. It's weird to see other people taking Onew's place and dance.
Some time, I questioned myself why I adore SHINee so much and how much do they really mean to me. The reason why I adore them so much, is still yet to end. To be honest, if it wasn't for that time, I still can't answer how much do they really mean to me.. until that day came.
I finally understand why people would cry over their idol.
because I did.
That day, Nov 14th, SHINee won their very first daesang (best artist of the year) at MMA.
I was in front of the computer watching live.
When SHINee's name was announced, you know what, I actually broke down with tears.
I was watching this whole MMA thing and I was going to smash the computer because SHINee hasn't win anything except bonsang which will lead them to daesang.
I was disappointed to see a rookie group that could win more awards than them.
Plus I was waiting quite long for SHINee to appear.
Those tears that flow down from my eyes were from strong feelings.
When I cried for them,with them,with a bunch of SHINee World,
I understand how much they mean to me.
To be honest, I still cry whenever I see that video because it showed how much SHINee had improved all this while and I saw it,witnessed it and was there with them all the time when they are constantly growing and improving.
I can't describe how much,how much,how much I like them.
I can see myself in the future, with white hair still supporting SHINee deep down in my heart.
I'll still collect their albums and merchandises.
SHINee World,
I love you.
Friday, January 10, 2014
1st post of 2014.
Hello.
I'm not sure if someone will see this since my blog is a little..dusty?
1st post of 2014.
What is 2014? What's my 2014 year of resolutions?
Let me tell you something.
I'm not excited with this new year thing. New year resolution? Why start a resolution on a new year when you can start it anytime you want when you're ready? It's like giving yourself excuses and the motivation to start something new and meaningful but you know what? It will end up all going to the drain. || sigh.
For me, 2014 didn't began nicely,or should I say, it didn't began the way I want?
Senior year,which means last year of high school. I'm in 5sc2 which doesn't means that we're not as clever as 5sc1. I still miss the days in 4sc2 but somehow, 5sc2 is getting better and better except the school must really find a way to get rid of the terrible paint odour that I'm bearing these few days. 5sc2 is better most probably because more of my close friends are in the same class. More fun and laughter. Thank God that I wasn't the same class as that.. girl. I'm fortunate.
But things could have got worse.
I've sensed that my health wasn't going well.. I purposely wrote this blog post to express how much I hate my health and problems,issues,matters that are happening around me.
I am getting headache more than once daily. HOW RIDICULOUS! First, it started with blurring of my vision, I couldn't focus and my eyes are so sensitive to light all of the sudden. The next thing you know, I'm barely alive with the headache killing my brain. It killed the back of my head. I started to feel nausea and I was sweating cold sweat and what's next? FATIGUE! I couldn't even open my eyelids properly.
It's like a routine going on and on every single day in school. I can't stand this. I don't trust that it is something to do with diseases .. it's probably just a minor headache that occurs to every one more than once in a lifetime.
Next..
I know I've been nagging about my nose lots and lots of time and I understand that I don't have the ability to change the fact that my nose is born this way and I couldn't do anything with it. My nose is weird. It's so sensitive some times, it can smell things perfectly fine but at the next second, it gets stuffy and all of the sudden, BOOM, flu came. Right now, I'm somehow trained to breathe with my mouth. Isn't this stupid? It's already a habit to breathe with my mouth now. My nose is always blocked .. The worse is that my house ran out of centirizine which is my life saver... few days back, I got a terrible flu and all my house has was that another type of antihistamine, actified. Once I swallow the pills, it straightly sent me to bed and my mind was floating around. Centirizine was the only medicine that suits me and doesn't makes me drowsy(it does but I still can handle the drowsiness that it is giving me).
With all these headache and nose problems going on, I feel so TIRED and EXHAUSTED all the time with my new tuition timetable which is like 4 hours of tuition everyday and it only ends at 10pm. By the time I finish my homework, it's already by past 1am. I don't know how long I can take this and I'm certainly not sure if I will faint one day due to all these things. One thing is for sure, I do not want to be depress over my SPM results and of course, I do not want to also send my parent's money and hope down to the drain. I don't even want to mention how much my parents spend on me for tuition. Wouldn't it be the worst investment if I wreck my SPM?
I'm moving next month. YAY not. A part of me is excited but another part of me wishes to stay here. Actually, this new house thing got my brother and father to cry for mercy. I don't like to share my family matters though but somehow, I got pulled in with the issues together and right now, I don't even wanna speak much at home. Everyone here is so cold towards each other. It's always my dad talking while all of us just listens and ignored. It became a habit.. perhaps when my sister came back,it would improved a bit but it's the beginning of a new chapter of story called SISTER'S HELL. She... I can't find a suitable word or phrase to describe her. Because she is far across the south china sea, so she don't understand what situation are we in right now! You have to believe me that it is my first time hearing my dad to say he WANTS to save money, he WANTS to stay at home and have meals,he is TIGHT. It's my first time seeing my brother got MAD at my father and literally taught my father a lesson. It's my first time. Behind all these issues, there's this word call MONEY that destroys and take away happiness. Who says money can buy happiness? If you still think that way, I've 101 reasons to disagree with your thinking. Right now, my sister is heading to Australia soon and guess what, my sister is spending hell lot of money and she just bought an IPHONE 5S. I aint jealous, I'm just furious. But God was fair enough to gave my parents a fair family. My parents have two kids that don't even spend a single cent on branded items and don't request money from parents and don't even ask for birthday presents. Unfortunately, my sister is the opposite of those. I sigh,and sigh,and sigh everyday. I'm the only one active at home as a child of my parents. I know the best what had happened and I've heard so many complaints. My mom would act like nothing happened but she didn't know that her little daughter has a mind of a 30 years old mature woman. I know everything... everything that is available in the range of my thinking skills. Thinking that my sister still has a long way to achieve her dreams, while I'm still here fooling around .. how would my family turn out to be? My father is like semi-retired, my mom is not working. The only one that could financially support us in the future was my one and only beloved brother. How much is he earning? I don't wanna tell. Right now, I bought books ,school books using my own money. I eat , I hang out, I buy using my own money which is also somehow my parent's money. I stopped requesting money except my mom would still give me pocket money every week. Not that I stop, I NEVER request for money. Request for money sounds like what a beggar will do and I'm not a beggar.
|| sigh.
Okay. The end of my rantings.
Good night guys.
I'm not sure if someone will see this since my blog is a little..dusty?
1st post of 2014.
What is 2014? What's my 2014 year of resolutions?
Let me tell you something.
I'm not excited with this new year thing. New year resolution? Why start a resolution on a new year when you can start it anytime you want when you're ready? It's like giving yourself excuses and the motivation to start something new and meaningful but you know what? It will end up all going to the drain. || sigh.
For me, 2014 didn't began nicely,or should I say, it didn't began the way I want?
Senior year,which means last year of high school. I'm in 5sc2 which doesn't means that we're not as clever as 5sc1. I still miss the days in 4sc2 but somehow, 5sc2 is getting better and better except the school must really find a way to get rid of the terrible paint odour that I'm bearing these few days. 5sc2 is better most probably because more of my close friends are in the same class. More fun and laughter. Thank God that I wasn't the same class as that.. girl. I'm fortunate.
But things could have got worse.
I've sensed that my health wasn't going well.. I purposely wrote this blog post to express how much I hate my health and problems,issues,matters that are happening around me.
I am getting headache more than once daily. HOW RIDICULOUS! First, it started with blurring of my vision, I couldn't focus and my eyes are so sensitive to light all of the sudden. The next thing you know, I'm barely alive with the headache killing my brain. It killed the back of my head. I started to feel nausea and I was sweating cold sweat and what's next? FATIGUE! I couldn't even open my eyelids properly.
It's like a routine going on and on every single day in school. I can't stand this. I don't trust that it is something to do with diseases .. it's probably just a minor headache that occurs to every one more than once in a lifetime.
Next..
I know I've been nagging about my nose lots and lots of time and I understand that I don't have the ability to change the fact that my nose is born this way and I couldn't do anything with it. My nose is weird. It's so sensitive some times, it can smell things perfectly fine but at the next second, it gets stuffy and all of the sudden, BOOM, flu came. Right now, I'm somehow trained to breathe with my mouth. Isn't this stupid? It's already a habit to breathe with my mouth now. My nose is always blocked .. The worse is that my house ran out of centirizine which is my life saver... few days back, I got a terrible flu and all my house has was that another type of antihistamine, actified. Once I swallow the pills, it straightly sent me to bed and my mind was floating around. Centirizine was the only medicine that suits me and doesn't makes me drowsy(it does but I still can handle the drowsiness that it is giving me).
With all these headache and nose problems going on, I feel so TIRED and EXHAUSTED all the time with my new tuition timetable which is like 4 hours of tuition everyday and it only ends at 10pm. By the time I finish my homework, it's already by past 1am. I don't know how long I can take this and I'm certainly not sure if I will faint one day due to all these things. One thing is for sure, I do not want to be depress over my SPM results and of course, I do not want to also send my parent's money and hope down to the drain. I don't even want to mention how much my parents spend on me for tuition. Wouldn't it be the worst investment if I wreck my SPM?
I'm moving next month. YAY not. A part of me is excited but another part of me wishes to stay here. Actually, this new house thing got my brother and father to cry for mercy. I don't like to share my family matters though but somehow, I got pulled in with the issues together and right now, I don't even wanna speak much at home. Everyone here is so cold towards each other. It's always my dad talking while all of us just listens and ignored. It became a habit.. perhaps when my sister came back,it would improved a bit but it's the beginning of a new chapter of story called SISTER'S HELL. She... I can't find a suitable word or phrase to describe her. Because she is far across the south china sea, so she don't understand what situation are we in right now! You have to believe me that it is my first time hearing my dad to say he WANTS to save money, he WANTS to stay at home and have meals,he is TIGHT. It's my first time seeing my brother got MAD at my father and literally taught my father a lesson. It's my first time. Behind all these issues, there's this word call MONEY that destroys and take away happiness. Who says money can buy happiness? If you still think that way, I've 101 reasons to disagree with your thinking. Right now, my sister is heading to Australia soon and guess what, my sister is spending hell lot of money and she just bought an IPHONE 5S. I aint jealous, I'm just furious. But God was fair enough to gave my parents a fair family. My parents have two kids that don't even spend a single cent on branded items and don't request money from parents and don't even ask for birthday presents. Unfortunately, my sister is the opposite of those. I sigh,and sigh,and sigh everyday. I'm the only one active at home as a child of my parents. I know the best what had happened and I've heard so many complaints. My mom would act like nothing happened but she didn't know that her little daughter has a mind of a 30 years old mature woman. I know everything... everything that is available in the range of my thinking skills. Thinking that my sister still has a long way to achieve her dreams, while I'm still here fooling around .. how would my family turn out to be? My father is like semi-retired, my mom is not working. The only one that could financially support us in the future was my one and only beloved brother. How much is he earning? I don't wanna tell. Right now, I bought books ,school books using my own money. I eat , I hang out, I buy using my own money which is also somehow my parent's money. I stopped requesting money except my mom would still give me pocket money every week. Not that I stop, I NEVER request for money. Request for money sounds like what a beggar will do and I'm not a beggar.
|| sigh.
Okay. The end of my rantings.
Good night guys.
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