Lately..

- Love Belt - Kim Jonghyun ft.Younha -

Go listen.. It's a great song suitable for this time :)

Lately,I'm unable to sleep early like last time.

Too much thoughts in my mind,

Unable to clear it,settle it 

Because I'd rather ignore it.

I've been thinking so thoroughly 

Maybe not thoroughly enough because I'm blinded with tears and conquered by anger.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxx

Some part of my day, I would go deep down into an emotional world of mine and I would wonder all sorts of different things, from books to idols to future to country to you. 

I will wonder, if you're already dead? 

Of course not, you are still tweeting,still favouriting tweets,still liking Instagram post,from cars to soccer.

Yeah.

I saw everything.

Sometimes,I will wonder,if I ever cross your mind?

Of course not, or else you would have message me or whatever.

I still wonder, how long are you going to leave me hanging?

Maybe forever, because you don't care anymore.

The biggest question I will still wonder,

Do you still adore me?

I won't dare to answer for you. The reason is because I already had an answer but maybe different from yours. However, higher chances it will be the same though.

I must be dumb,must be stupid,must be insane.

I am the one who dump you.

I shall not look back,shall be strong.

Make you regret for it.

However,

There are many many reasons why a relationship will end.

How I wish our relationship would have ended because either one of us has no feelings with each other anymore.

So,either one of us feel the pain, not both of us.

I love you too much, 

my feelings for you,I can't suppress it,can't reduce it,can't control it.

The process of having to give you affection,to compromise you,to provide you full happiness that a girl can give to a guy, anything,I can possibly give anything to you,

I have forgotten about myself, forgotten about my own happiness.

Witnessing your happiness can automatically turn into my source of happiness but as time passes by,when giving too much but getting back too less, I tire myself...

Going on for so long with you,I have never regretted a single bit, even when there are moments that we are unhappy, we get angry, I throw tantrum and forcefully have you to apologise ,I appreciate that we have gone through this.......

A relationship can't be just based on true feelings...both has to be responsible for each other,trust each other...

You know what...

I don't know since when I started questioning myself if you really love me or you just want to feel to be loved?

Or you are still an amateur when it comes to love?

Nope. You are not an amateur, you're just an ignorant expert who don't care...

If I have to date you,I would have dated the another you, the one who is on the phone.

When it comes to the real you bringing me out,I am sorry.

I don't know how many times you disappoint me in a date.

I don't exactly know why you have to make me look so unattractive when you are more attracted to the phone

Make me look like some sort of stranger when you don't let me touch your phone

Make me look like I'm your teacher, keep talking to you but no response.

You can hold my hand,you can kiss me as much as you want to 

But you only want yourself to be happy,to be delighted...but what about me?

Ugly to listen but I am even worse than a prostitute 

The difference between a prostitute and me is that I didn't lose my virginity and I don't get paid for kisses and hugs.

The similarity between a prostitute and me is that I have to "service" someone who don't seem to care about me at all and we were all cheap.

......

Remember that time you brought me out for lunch and I got so fed up and until the end I still have to smile at you and you actually thought I was okay?

Of course you don't remember because you know I am going to forgive you no matter what you have done but no

Don't cross my boundaries.

Then I came to a realisation, i have to marry the real you,not the person behind the phone.

I have to force myself to accept the fact that every boy is different,how they want to treat their girlfriend is also different. I can't change the way how a boy want to treat his partner. If I am not satisfied,I just have to find the right one.

Thank God ... I dumped you.

You know why?

I can finally see how much you care about me.

You should give me the best girlfriend award 

Non stop giving you chances until the last minute.

How I wish I didn't call you out that day,

And I died while travelling or whatever 

So you don't have to see me again and I don't have to suffer while you sleep like a pig.

Thank you Jun Xian for showing me how much you don't give a damn about me. Thank you and thank you for your bullshit in Twitter. Well,perhaps it wasn't me you are talking about but yeah,thanks for everything.