23rd of January.

what day is it?

i don't know.


yeap.
saw a photo on twitter and fucked up my whole day again.

i swore to myself no more tears,
but
i think i had to give myself more time.

.

i hope 11 of you have more outings together and more photos and more adventures together

so i can get numb of this.

11 of you have to be happy
remember,
when i wanted to have a great outing far away with someone i loved, you guys have him first.//(more like he volunteered himself first)


start off happy, happy in progress, happy till the end.

promise me this,k?

i know some of you from that gang is curious
yeah,
somehow this is related to all of you but i am so grateful
i know i'm not his priority while i put him first,having high expectations
i'm stupid but you guys woke me up

call me obsessive freak or whatever
you can say i control my boyfriend too strictly,don't let him have fun with his friends.
TRUE.
i am just that type of person
letting him have fun with his guy friends while his guy friends having lovely time with other girls.
cool.
reminds me how one of my friend used her words to slap me during our outing
asking me how can my boyfriend don't bring me along.
yeah. i just want to tell her
"thank you,he's going to be my ex soon"

i am one of the minority who don't agree boys and girls can have pure close platonic friendship.

call me stupid dumb or idiot.
anything you like.

.xx.
you will never understand how tired i am to maintain this relationship but i still have hopes for him,every single day, every single moment when i feel like i can't hold it anymore,my heart always gives him another chance,another hope

to be able to make me feel hopeless, you guys know how depressed i am already.


really fed up because my wound is still so fresh that i can feel the blood, the taste of blood in my mouth,

today i woke up with swollen eyes, true, ive been crying all night yesterday

i don't know how i survived but i did.
so i told myself,
i won't,i won't,i won't cry anymore.

xx

happy 23rd to myself.