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Sunday, December 28, 2014

Hi

Greetings from Istanbul,Türkiye.

i lost my phone in the airplane 
I don't know how it happened but it did 
No whatsapp no sms 

//

Suppose to be sleeping but I have million thoughts in my mind and i just have to convey it all out

Turkey is a beautiful country ..
I love Pamukkale and Kapadokya the most!
Will share more when I come back... 

......

These few days,I'm breaking out my boundaries and limits
No more becoming a loyal girl to her one and only love,
Just being herself again
An outgoing person who loves meeting new people ..
For so many years,
I had restricted myself to do things that seems to near betrayal or not loyal to him
I avoid anything that brings me to a situation that I have to interact with boys
But this trip..not anymore.

Why I am doing this?
Because he did,so why can't i?

Why I want to restrict myself when perhaps he's okay with me being not that conservative?
Because I hate it so much when a guy does that to me

In this trip,
I learned to hug guys,show affection to guys and doing appropriate skinship

it felt so great.. 

But no..I'm not interested in them 

It was fun when he touched my face because he wanted to hear me scream out of coldness 
And when I touched his face,I felt warm and comfortable 

It felt good when the weather was cold and we were all having group hug in the middle of the path 
When I am sleepy, I can lean on his back and close my eyes ....
Pushing each other in the bus ..
Having a little girl sleeping on my lap,my arms and literally everywhere she can around my body
Laughing out loud together till people telling us to shut up...
Taking weird photos together ...
Playing scary games together
Dancing together in the streets like mad people 


Like a couple but no 
I just felt like I needed love and someone could give me something similar 
I just openly accept any kind of warm interactions.....

You know what,
I've never done this with someone i really adore the most
It's funny and weird at the same time right?
He doesn't like taking photos..
He's shy and not outgoing
He can't give me as much attention like how other boys can

Maybe he can,maybe he could

I've always..always..wanted to travel with him
Doing all my first time with him...
I also wanted to be a part of all of his first moments 

Unfortunately.. 
I'm not the first one to travel with him without parents and teacher's guidance 

I lost hope but it's okay 

I won't be that possessive anymore because I'm sure, all of my first moments won't be having any of his participation in it 


Again,
Like I say,
I will not show any interest in younger boys because I can only see them as cute little boys that I should protect and not mature enough for my taste

This trip, is actually very very very good
My parents gave me full freedom for walking alone and experiencing every little tiny things I can experience
Maybe because of that,I feel like a loner 
But then I have travel buddies ... Everything is so different

I want to say,

I love them all very much and thank you for making this a memorable trip for me.


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