no matter how sweet the chocolate is,it will still expire; so as feelings for someone special.
3rd day of SPM and i'm here
not because i'm lazy,it's because i'm used to gluing myself to the computer.
Just realize I update every time when the world around me start to shatter piece by piece,forming depressing black gloomy clouds in my heart and little tears welled up my eyes without an urge to fall.
Today is just another day when the day doesn't seems right even though the sun was shining brightly as usual and the clouds are just as blue as my mood.
I've not been myself lately,nope correction, i've changed.
Ever since that dream happened, I'm never the same person anymore.
About what I have dreamed about,I have no intention in revealing it but I sincerely believe I have saw the light.....
I realize when I woke up, my feelings started to change ..
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why am I starting to change?
not only because i saw the light but also the people around me.
to be honest,I seek for happiness and joy outside than my house. A feeling, a freedom, fresh air that none of my family members could give me.
when I think about my family, all I think was things that happened lately that made me think deeply and thoroughly.....
Once in a while, I was thinking ...if i'm not a great daughter at all? Once in a while, I hope for something that isn't monetary in my family. Once in a while, I desire parents' love. Once in a while,I seek attention from my house. Once in a while, I just need a hug,need some motivation,need a sense of warmth on my shoulders telling me that everything is going to be fine from home. Once in a while, I wish I have the courage to cry in front of them. Once in a while, I wish I could say something that is on my mind and covey my ideas to them.
The answer to everything was, you have to rely on yourself. Until the end,only you will support yourself. You are the only one who can give yourself comfort....
People often say the only place to heal is your own home.
What happens if your home is the place where all your problems got activated?
...........
It's not that I don't feel contented, i'm just curious...
I always thought there's something else in every parent's responsibility list except feeding your child food daily,sending them to school,prepare comfortable are for them,buying them necessities ...
I know what was lacking, it was love.
if there is one day, everyone started to talk to me nicely at home instead of starting an argument when everyone starts to open their mouth... I'll be thankful for each day
but
sadly, there isn't a day like this in my life anymore.
is there a day when peace actually exist at home?
yes there is peace
when both refuse to talk to each other .
nowadays, loneliness seems to come more often during weekends.
I know how my brother feels.
He wants something else but he couldn't get it
Thus//// if he can.. he preferred to not approach him if possible.
which means I'm left alone again.
I know how my sister feels.
She needs love when she's staying alone outside
but when she reached home
All I see was just sad faces and what I heard was just ugly words from her to him.
I know how the one who gave birth to me feels.
................
at last, I know how I feel.
I'm feeling the worst.
In fact, I'm in the worst position that anyone could be in right now
In my age, I still could not act like an adult,
I need to respect, I still need monetary support
but you know what,it's impossible to actually know entirely how someone felt.....
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I'm now currently in one of the biggest turning point in my life.
I feel like letting go of my first love.
Astonishing,right?
That's how I feel right now
You may wonder,
how am I suppose to let go of someone that I love with my whole heart and soul?
.. like I said previously
I've changed.
well.. let me open up a new post about this,k?
stay tuned
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